MARRIAGE HUMOUR
1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man; after marriage, she suspects him; after death she respects him.
2. There was a guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married - and now he is going through hell.
3. A man inserted an advertisement in the classified section of the newspaper. "Wife wanted," it says. The next day, he received hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car or the wife is new.
5. It is easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back: "I am afraid that I cannot keep my promise, but I hope you will keep yours."
7. "What's the matter? You look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn’t going to speak to me for thirty days." "But that ought to make you happy." "It did, but today is the last day."
* * *
WOMEN . . .
When she is 18, she is a football, with 22 men going after her.
When she is 28, she is a hockey ball, with 8men going after her.
When she is 38, she is a golf ball, with 1 man hitting on her.
When she is 48, she is a table tennis ball, with 2 men pushing her to one another.
* * *
MEN . . .
At 20, a man is a like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30, he is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40, he is like a watermelon: big, round and juicy.
At 50, he is like a mandarin orange, whose season comes once a year.
At 60, he is just like a raisin: dried out, wrinkled and cheap.
* * *
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
2. There was a guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married - and now he is going through hell.
3. A man inserted an advertisement in the classified section of the newspaper. "Wife wanted," it says. The next day, he received hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car or the wife is new.
5. It is easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back: "I am afraid that I cannot keep my promise, but I hope you will keep yours."
7. "What's the matter? You look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn’t going to speak to me for thirty days." "But that ought to make you happy." "It did, but today is the last day."
* * *
WOMEN . . .
When she is 18, she is a football, with 22 men going after her.
When she is 28, she is a hockey ball, with 8men going after her.
When she is 38, she is a golf ball, with 1 man hitting on her.
When she is 48, she is a table tennis ball, with 2 men pushing her to one another.
* * *
MEN . . .
At 20, a man is a like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30, he is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40, he is like a watermelon: big, round and juicy.
At 50, he is like a mandarin orange, whose season comes once a year.
At 60, he is just like a raisin: dried out, wrinkled and cheap.
* * *
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
posted by ah lum @ 10:18 PM
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