More Than Words, Op. 3

From an email:


When you meet acquaintances or friends working at the movies . . .
Stupid question: "Hey, what are you doing here?"
Answer: "Don't you know, I sell tickets in black over here . . ."

* * *

When a heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet . . .
Stupid question: "Sorry, did that hurt?"
Answer: "No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia . . . why don't you try again?"

* * *

When one of the teary-eyed people ask you at a funeral . . .
Stupid question: "Why, why him, of all people . . .?"
Answer: "Why? Would it rather have been you?"

* * *

When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask:
Stupid question: "Is the guy you're marrying a good man?"
Answer: "No. He's a miserable, wife-beating, insensitive lout . . . it's just the money."

* * *

When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call . . .
Stupid question: "Sorry, were you sleeping?"
Answer: "No, I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping . . . you dumb-witted moron."

[Author's note: actually this isn't such a stupid question, unless you call someone who is in the army like ME, unless you want our sergeants to turn us all out in the middle of the night. Otherwise, most civilians would be the night owls, especially on Friday and Saturday nights, when they would go and cheong at the pubs and discos.]

* * *

When you see a friend or colleague with evidently shorter hair . . .
Stupid question: "Hey, have you had a haircut?"
Answer: "No, its autumn and I'm shedding . . ."

* * *

When your dentist is sticking pointed objects into your mouth . . .
Stupid question: "Tell me if it hurts?"
Answer: "No, it won't. It will just bleed."

* * *

You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks you a question.
Stupid question: [squeals in (bimbo-istic) delight] "Oh, so you smoke!"
Answer: "Gosh, it's a miracle! It was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!"