All I DON'T Want for Christmas are . . .
The Straits Times, 2 December 2004
URBAN: Pg. 15
"GIFTS FROM HELL"
By TAY YEK KEAK
Don't make these mistakes when thinking of a gift . . .
METROSEXUAL
1. $4.99 facial cleanser
2. Entry form for a Para-Para dancing competition
3. Made-in-China Flying Horse singlet
4. Giant Ah Long-style jade-green fake peal ring
5. Ticket to The Undertaker vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin wrestling match
DAVID BECKHAM
1. Rugby - the World's Greatest Game coffee-table book
2. "Is Your IQ above 150?" self-help book
3. "Bend Me like Beckham" tell-all book by Rebecca Loos
4. My Sunny Side by Alex Ferguson
5. The Manchester City Football Yearbook
AH BENG
1. The Collected Works of Shakespeare
2. CD of Cole Porter's greatest hits
3. A "I Hate Singapore Idol" T-shirt
4. "How to Stop Saying Wah Lau, Kong Si Mi and Other Hokkien Phrases" handbook
5. Dinner for two at Les Amis
ASTRONAUT
1. Sofa
2. Roller blades
3. McDonald's coupon that expires tomorrow
4. Space-disaster DVD box set of "Lost in Space", "Marooned" and "Armageddon"
5. Practical guide for relationships called "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and So What the Heck Are You Doing on the Moon?"
NERD
1. 50-hours-a-week free pass to Planet Fitness
2. The Joy of Sex by Dr Alex Comfort
3. Suntan lotion
4. Ink-and-pen writing set
5. Invitation to a "Comic Books are Bad" seminar
GEORGE W. BUSH
1. Wish-you-were-here Hallmark card from Osama Bin Laden
2. Coupon for free French fries
3. The Dummies Guide to North Korean Nuclear Weapons
4. The Beatles' "Give Peace a Chance" as sung by The Dixie Chicks
5. Friendship bracelet from Saddam Hussein
VEGETARIAN
1. Meat cleaver
2. Day-trip to the abattoir
3. Bak-kwa
4. The Atkins Diet food guide
5. Official invitation to royal foxhunt with Prince Charles
CONVICT
1. Ikea gift voucher
2. Weekend vacation getaway brochure
3. Tickets to screening of reworked and re-titled classic Hollywood film called "Citizen Cane"
4. Copy of Life!eats guide to the best makan places in Singapore
5. Martha Stewart's fun-time-in-prison book "I'm Martha, You're Not"
URBAN: Pg. 15
"GIFTS FROM HELL"
By TAY YEK KEAK
Don't make these mistakes when thinking of a gift . . .
METROSEXUAL
1. $4.99 facial cleanser
2. Entry form for a Para-Para dancing competition
3. Made-in-China Flying Horse singlet
4. Giant Ah Long-style jade-green fake peal ring
5. Ticket to The Undertaker vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin wrestling match
DAVID BECKHAM
1. Rugby - the World's Greatest Game coffee-table book
2. "Is Your IQ above 150?" self-help book
3. "Bend Me like Beckham" tell-all book by Rebecca Loos
4. My Sunny Side by Alex Ferguson
5. The Manchester City Football Yearbook
AH BENG
1. The Collected Works of Shakespeare
2. CD of Cole Porter's greatest hits
3. A "I Hate Singapore Idol" T-shirt
4. "How to Stop Saying Wah Lau, Kong Si Mi and Other Hokkien Phrases" handbook
5. Dinner for two at Les Amis
ASTRONAUT
1. Sofa
2. Roller blades
3. McDonald's coupon that expires tomorrow
4. Space-disaster DVD box set of "Lost in Space", "Marooned" and "Armageddon"
5. Practical guide for relationships called "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and So What the Heck Are You Doing on the Moon?"
NERD
1. 50-hours-a-week free pass to Planet Fitness
2. The Joy of Sex by Dr Alex Comfort
3. Suntan lotion
4. Ink-and-pen writing set
5. Invitation to a "Comic Books are Bad" seminar
GEORGE W. BUSH
1. Wish-you-were-here Hallmark card from Osama Bin Laden
2. Coupon for free French fries
3. The Dummies Guide to North Korean Nuclear Weapons
4. The Beatles' "Give Peace a Chance" as sung by The Dixie Chicks
5. Friendship bracelet from Saddam Hussein
VEGETARIAN
1. Meat cleaver
2. Day-trip to the abattoir
3. Bak-kwa
4. The Atkins Diet food guide
5. Official invitation to royal foxhunt with Prince Charles
CONVICT
1. Ikea gift voucher
2. Weekend vacation getaway brochure
3. Tickets to screening of reworked and re-titled classic Hollywood film called "Citizen Cane"
4. Copy of Life!eats guide to the best makan places in Singapore
5. Martha Stewart's fun-time-in-prison book "I'm Martha, You're Not"
posted by ah lum @ 9:29 PM
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